Everyone you ever loved is going to die. There isn't anything that you can do stop it. It is a fact, an unstoppable out of control mad crazy locomotive like some bad 70s disaster movie. It's going to happen with or without you.
I'll say it one more time because I have not really grasped the enormity yet, but this time I'll say it for me - not for you. Everyone I ever loved is going to die. Be them good or bad. Death is indiscriminate. It doesn't care to learn your sins of your saving grace. It will happen. Like grains of sand running through my fingers.
What does this mean. I stumble to come up with something other than a cliche wrapped in a lie. I know how it makes me feel. Shit. At some point I am going to have to come to terms with the death of my father. At some point I will go and gather with my clan to morn the loss of another kin. It might not be fair, but it is.
Morbid maybe. But death is the other side of the coin. There is light and there is dark. This is our light. The time we have together is limited. The years may go by like an ice age when you're 6 but when you're 60 they'll most likely fly by like weeks. At 34 - when I think how fast the last year vanished from being I have to hang on to my hat for fear of falling of the world. Stop the world. I'm getting off.
Only there is no getting off. There is only the fairground or the ground.
Enjoy the ride, you may as well. It is the only shot you've got. Ahhh, but I hear you asking about the afterlife. But I think you can answer that question for yourself. It's comforting to believe in something beyond. But that is all it is - comfort. You have no right to it. Really, the faith that is given at the expense of the living does not justify the nicety. The bleak truth is just that. If it isn't - prove it.
So here I am. Somewhat happy with my lot in life but restless at the same. I can't count the grains as they drop but I know the felling of them slipping away. The movement is there all the time. I might not acknowledge it, but it is there. The ticking clock. The day will come. I doubt that I will meet my maker. That dust is already light years away. Just static on the screen. Lost radio waves in space.
11:13PM. I hope tomorrow brings some cheer. I need to laugh. I can't hold it all in. It's not fair to the ones I love. They deserve more from me. They deserve my sensitivity most of all. My understanding and my time. It is after all maybe the greatest gift that I can give. My time.
I am sorry my love. I didn't mean to be a prick. There is a lot at stake and I am beginning to understand that what I do and say is meaningless to the mass. I cannot sway public opinion or turn the wrongs to right. But maybe I can make you smile.
